I have been stressing out so bad over a speech I needed to give at school. I've had like 3 weeks to prepare, and I didn't procrastinate totally, but I really didn't put it together until yesterday...I had to give the speech today.

I'm such a perfectionist I was freaking out that I was going to look like an idiot, because of the last minute organization.
Well, drum roll please....
I did GREAT!
Everyone gets critiqued after their speech and my classmates said there was nothing they could say bad or they wouldn't change anything. One classmate said I should become a teacher because I seemed so natural in front of the class. That's not what I plan on doing with my degree, but it made me feel good. Maybe I should relax a bit. Haha, fat chance of that.

So in feeling pretty good, sitting in my Tahoe waiting for my physical therapy appointment time.
Today was a good day! Thank you
Lord!

Here's a picture of my view right now.

This morning when I left my house to drop my husband off at work and to go to school, I was surprised at the fog in Missoula. It was so foggy I could hardly see the street lights. It was crazy, not to mention a bit icy.

After class I came home, after running an errand. It was still so foggy people could barely drive....like they can in the first place but that a separate issue. The fog and ice caused many issues today, accidents and backups.

Anyway, making my way home, (we live up on a big hill), it was absolutely gorgeous. Since we live at about 4000 feet, probably 800-1000 feet above Missoula, we are above the Missoula valley. Most times we have a different climate than Missoula, and that was the case today. When I came to the top of our hill, the air was clear, I could see blue sky.
Such a world apart, really helped my attitude, made me happy. Living this far up we also get way more snow and it lasts longer. We have gotten about 2 inches over the last 24 hours, and it has stayed.
Hope you enjoy the picture of the day from on top of the world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've been doing quite a bit soul searching, trying to figure out why I believe what I believe and even simpler...what DO I believe. I've been attending the same church for almost 10 years now and at one time it was my life. I worked at the church as the secretary, children's director and the pastoral assistant. I quit my paid position just about a year ago and I feel as though I've been questioning everything since.

I sometimes think that I was too involved. I sacrificed time with my family, my children and my husband just because we had so much going on at the church. My husband and I put off going away for the weekends because it was required I be at the Sunday and wednesday services. I seriously only missed 4 (sometime it would be like 6, if the kids were sick or whatnot) services in a year.
I would avoid doing anything on Saturdays because I didn't want to be tired for church (because we had to be there by 8), or I needed to study a lesson or get something prepared for the next day.
There was a time when we considered not letting our oldest boy play football because it would take him away from church on Wednesday's.

I have recently stopped teaching at our church because my husband and I needed to separate ourselves and have questions. Where we stand? What is God saying to us as a family? Are we where we are supposed to be? What changes do we need to make? Is there something else for us?

Now that I've had some time to reflect, I get sad for the person I was, the person I was becoming. I was so far from the mom I wanted to be and even the Christian I wanted to be.

Do I think it brought separation from God to miss a few services to let our son play football?
Um.....NO!!!!!
But that is what I was made to believe and I struggled with that. Thinking we were bad parents because we wanted our children to do things, or we ourselves wanted to do certain things that maybe were on the weekend or during the mid week service.

Where is the balance? I don't think only focusing on what your kids want to do or their extra curricular activities is balance. But neither do I think only doing church activities or being so busy because the church always has something coming up or going on is balance. Just because it's what the pastors have chosen to do with their children and their lives doesn't make it right for us. That's where I was, taking cues from their life and the decisions they made or suggested for my life.

The things that I am learning about myself, are my OWN values and personality. Gods direction for MY life is slowly coming into focus and I'm starting not to care who has a problem with it. I am an adult and can make my own decisions.

I have different likes than some people, and no one likes to be judged for who they are. It doesn't feel good. And I'm ashamed that I used to sit in the judgment seat. Judging people for their different ways of living and choices. I feel terrible, I never intended to be like that, but it's what I was....a judge. Because I thought I what I was doing was right.

So far it's still been a process, to unlearn some behavior, but there has been so much freedom in just relaxing a bit. The big things in life are still important, but what I've learned I the last year, there are A LOT less big, important things to freak out and judge about.

I'm not wrong, I'm just different.

I know I wrote a blog about chickens yesterday, but I seriously love chicken.

I didn't know how fascinating they were until I got some of my own. I grew up with chickens and always loved getting the eggs...reaching under the hen who was still in the nesting box and the egg would be really warm. Loved that part.

What I didn't like was cracking a fertilized egg open and there being blood from the forming chicken that was killed during its growing process....that I don't like.
But for my farm I am so excited about getting eggs (I check like four times a day), that we don't let the eggs sit and have the chance to grow. They go right in the fridge which kills the growing egg and then they get cleaned either for when I sell them or before I feed them to my family.

So today I went out this morning and all of my chickens had gotten out of their pen, and when I call hem they all come running, really they are so funny.

So when I got them to come in and I threw some scratch out for them, I started video taping them.

One hen was stressing out, even pacing because she needed to lay an egg and couldn't figure out how to get back into the hen house to jump in he nesting boxes. I laughed because women who have ever been prego know the affects of "baby brain".

So here's the pics and videos of my morning chicken experience.

 

 

 

 

Don't mind my crackly voice, it was early, haha

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two eggs today so far!

 

 

This is the sound they make when you take their eggs, it's what I was describing in yesterday's post.

 

 

 

 

 

My chickens running when I call them....Love them!!!!!

 

I seriously spent about 5 hours on 1 homework assignment today.  It was a project for my psychology of managment and supervision class.  I had to create a powerpoint and a presentation to go along with it. 

Can you say time consuming.  Anyway, on a good note.  I got to watch one of my favorite chickens lay an egg.  She was so cute, I went to open up the nesting box hatch and there she was lookin up at me like "can I have some privacy please".  It was so funny, I love her.  Then after I took her egg she started yelling at me.  My son heard her from the other side of the fence and asked why she was sounding like she was. 

Crazy chickens, I love them.

When I was growing up I always hated daylight savings, I always wondered why we even had it.
That was until I had kids...

I appreciate it now, after living in Montana and having children. It wasn't anything like I liked how I could make them go to bed early because the clock changed, it has to do with the busses.

It is now mid october and we live in the mountains where there aren't any street lights. It is very very dark in the morning. All three of my children go to school now and ride the bus, our bus stop is at the end of our driveway. Yesterday the school bus drove right passed our house and down the roads to the next stop, which is only about a quarter of a block away. The bad part is my children had to run to catch the bus that missed them, because it was dark.

What if something happened? They could have missed it again and not made it in time for the bus doors closing and gotten caught in the bus tires. I know it's morbid and unlikely but still, things happen.

Because of what happened yesterday I am looking forward to daylight savings time this year, it will be ALOT lighter in the morning, the school bus will be able to see my children and they won't get run over by the bus, lol.

Here is another review from bzzagent.com.

This time I was privileged to try Smart Food's new popcorn and popped chips.

My family and I tried the brown sugar and cinnamon popcorn....we LOVE IT!
I'm telling you, this stuff is amazing. The entire bag was gone in no time. We have always put brown sugar and cinnamon on toast, so we were excited to try this popcorn. It wasn't too sweet with brown sugar and it had just the right amount of cinnamon. We give this one two thumbs up.

The other SmartFood products we tried was the Italian Herb popped chips and the Garlic Tomato Basil. As a family we have mixed reviews about these two. The Garlic Tomato basil was a little overpowering for us and my children didn't like it. I personally did like it, but I wouldn't always choose this one.
The Italian herb was great, loved the flavor and loved the portion size.

I love being a bzzagent!

I am apart of a company that sends me free products to try and write reviews about them. This particular campaign was for the new Glade Expressions products. Here's my review....

They're awesome. So I got the first diffuser for free and I wasn't too sure about the fragrance I chose because it wasn't something I would normally like,. I chose pineapple and mangosteen. I actually really like it and suggest people try it. I have since bought another diffuser for my bedroom on the same scent because I loved it so much.

I give this product two thumbs up.

*the company is called bzzagent

I love Montana fall mornings. It's just cold enough to wear sweats, but nice to to open to the door (after you've been running around all morning making lunches, trying to get the kids dressed for school and out the door) and let the crisp fresh fall air into the house.

We live on top of mountain at about 4000 feet elevation, so the mornings up here are amazing. Watching the sun rise over the distant mountain, you wonder how anyone could not fall in love with such a beautiful place. Gods creation is magnificent.
I feel do much better this morning than yesterday, nothing beats Gods grace.

Hope everyone has a great morning and a wonderful day where people go out of their way to bless you.

Sometimes you wished you had never gotten out of bed. For me, today was one of those days. Seems like I will never live my past down. Seems like I forever will be the person think I am/was. It sucks that I have let people who don't really know me and their opinion of me get to me and under my skin. It seemed like the world was against me today and I almost broke. Well I did let a few tears fall but tomorrow is another day and His grace comes with the morning. Praise God and his faithfulness.

Once I got my head straight and got some homework done, this seemed to ease up a bit. I feel a little more accomplished, feels like I have direction. Boy am I looking forward to the morning, a new dawn a new day... Isn't that how the song goes?

So here I am ending the day with grocery shopping and watching my oldest boy play football.
Thank you Lord for my children, for they keep me young and drive me crazy but I wouldn't trade them for anything. Thank You for all the blessings in my life, even when I don't seem to be thankful. I am.

I always have a great time with my bestie. She really has such a great heart. Tonight she came over and we created a poster and postcards for a benefit that she is putting on. One of her coworkers husband was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer, without having any symptoms. He only found out about the cancer because he had to have a physical for his insurance. Even now after months of treatment he doesn't have symptoms, incredible. So my best friend being the awesome person she is, is putting on a silent auction and brunch benefit for the couple. He in fact lost his job because the company he worked for had to file bankruptcy. Tragic.

Anyway, we had such a great time creating a beautiful work of art if you ask me. She helped me make dinner for our families. I just love her.

So I finally got my computer up and running and my blog background up, which I have been trying to do for a couple of months. 

But I am so excited to finally be doing this, I've got so much to talk about.  My farm is coming along, my chicken are finally laying eggs, yum!

I will be posting pictures of my beautiful chickens.  I love chicken, by the way. Love love love them.  I could watch them for hours, especially when they run, funniest thing God ever created. 

I'll be back with more posts, pictures and updates.